Don’t Lose Your…!

At Eternity’s Gate by Vincent Van Gogh, 1890.

The laptop is on all day. Music is randomly playing. He is pointlessly lying on the bed. There is nothing to do late at night except think. but, he doesn’t. He talks to me. I am the one who causes pain in his mind and let him feel bad about himself. He is there. Let me speak to him for a while and see.

• Hello!
• Hello! Who are you?
• oh, come on! Are you pretending that you don’t know me?
• Yes! Just go away. I am in a good mood.
• Great man. That is why I love you.
• I don’t want to know why.
• Here you go, this is why I love you. You always get me.
• No, You make yourself stupid.
• So, that means you are stupid!
• No, but I am making myself a fool by talking to you.
• Stop it, man. I am here to talk to you.
• You are doing so.
• No, I mean a real talk.
• I said go away. Why do you want to take my happiness away every time you come?
• You are wrong man. I want to help you to overcome bad thoughts like “committing suicide”. Every time the other man comes gives you really bad thoughts like smoking, drinking, and wasting time on stupid things.
• Alright, say what you want to say.
• When will you move on?
• Here we go again.
• Yes, because you are stuck man. Wake up!
• Stuck with what?
• Do you think life is about stability?
• Yes, I believe so.
• If so, where are all your friends? Where are the girls you were with? Where are the things you do that make you feel happy? They are all gone.
• Fortunately!
• Yes. I told you they are nothing compared to yourself. It is the same now. That is why I have come; to tell you that there are things that pull you back.
• What do you mean?
• Life is about progress. Any creature on this planet goes in that specific direction. Whether the progress is good or bad, it must happen. Moreover, think about your life compared to all creatures. Animals including humans and plants are evolving. And you, laying on the bed…
• I am waiting for the time to come and do what I am supposed to do.
• Supposed! Who supposed that? Are you the one who says that destiny is what we think, say, and do? How can you talk like your life is already planned?
• Maybe it is. If it is planned, I am just a tool to make that happen.
• But you know I cannot allow you to think in this way.
• I know, but…
• Do you remember when Kit ran with Tunner and left her husband Port waiting? (The Sheltering Sky by Paul Bowles)
• Yes, plainly.
• That means you remember what Tunner was thinking, saying, and doing.
• Yes, he made his own fate.
• That's what you must do mate. Goodnight.
• Hey, Consciousness. Don’t go for long. I am going to need you soon.
• I am always here…next door. Just knock hard I may be busy.

You see my dear. He is weak without me. I just want to make his life better but, he still confusing himself. He is drawn by meanings. He cannot distinguish what is right and what is wrong but, I know. Don’t worry my dear, I won’t let him fail forever. When he fails or falls, I will pick him up because He has only me for now.