Stream of Consciousness
I know nothing about what should I do next. Life is a Blessing and a Burden at the same time. It makes me scared, afraid, and horrified. I know it is bad, or good according to how we see it. Here is a fact, I really do not know how should I see it. I do not want to see it anymore, in any form or shape. It is hard to be explained, imagined, or perceived.
Many people see life as a journey or a summit. They climb it step by step. I absolutely do not know the next step that I want to make. I need help. People find their saviors in religion. Mine is Music. It is not enough. I need something more. Yes, I know that I can help myself but, it takes me so much energy. It puts me away from people I love. Oh! Love. What en issue. It is harder than Life itself. If there is no love I will not exist now to write these words. It is my Language, my way of speaking. It distracts me like a fish in the wild ocean of desires and pleasures, and the only thing she desires is the Bait.
There are some times that do not let you change or develop. I am fighting, fighting to be a better person. Moments have become slow lately. I myself can not grasp that. I am sitting here alone, on a big rock next to a huge amount of water. Yes, I am on the shore. I am trying to grow against the world like Goethe. It is time to determine. I promise my soul to work harder, love harder, and laugh hilariously.
Life looks like a joke now, a funny scene, real destruction to the soul, gambling, seen trick, although we have seen it as a trick, we must be cheated by it. I remember one day, I was talking with a colleague of mine. He said to me these unforgettable words: “ IF THEY ASK ME IF I WANT TO GO OUT TO THIS MISERABLE WORLD WHEN I GET BORNT,… I PREFER NOT TO.”
I must keep quiet now. I do harm your head now my beloved reader. I am truly sorry. If you do not understand me, it is not your blame. It is mine. I get used to being blamed these days. I like it.
